At the beginning of the year you probably heard everyone talking about how the Yankees were going to stink up the league this year. Were those stories true or were they just myths?

We decided to call the MythBusters to find out. When we realized we had no way of contacting them, we just found two other morons and asked them instead.

Jacko Stevens and Bunker Carlson are two low life's who don't know what the word myth means, but we feel they could have answers.

"Well in order to find out, I set up a balloon filled with gasoline and hair spray. Then I released it into the air and shot at it with an arrow on fire."

Did you find anything out?

"Nope, missed the balloon with the arrow, when I shot it up in the air." said Jacko

Did you come close to it?

"No, because the balloon was on the ground. Gasoline and hairspray filled balloons don't fly very good." said Jacko

Okay, but does that have anything to do with the Yankees sucking?

"No not at all. Me and my friend Bunker at just morons. I don't know what the hell I am doing and why I filled these balloons. I am an idiot." he added

There are several categories of records: season, league, MLB, post season, World Series, consecutive, longevity, etc., but I will concentrate only upon regular season records.

No one is going to touch Mantle's 18 WS homers because no teams, not even future Yankee teams, have or will have even the opportunity to break it. Ditto probably for Yogi's WS records.

Playoff records can change with the wind, such is the nature of this relatively newer form of post season play.

But regular season records have stood the test of decades of play, changing strengths (pitching vs hitting), changing longevities - when players made 10K per year, they partied hard - when they make millions per year, however immoral that kind of lucre that is, if you take care of yourself and play just two more years, that's another child's college education .. even at Fordham!

Honorable mentions that could be broken at any time:

4 HRs in one game or consecutively - when Lou Gehrig raised the HR per game bar to four in 1932, it has been said that he almost skipped four homers and went right to five! As the Yankees pounded the Philadelphia Athletics 20-13 that day at Shibe Park (notorious bandbox), Lou launched his would be fifth homer over the center field fence where Al Simmons leaped to snare it. And with the dozen plus such repeats of the four homer game, it might be only a matter of time before someone finally nails it. It's a great record, but it can be had at any time, if the "stars" are right.

Hall of Fame 3B Wade Boggs began his career with the Boston Red Sox, then abandoned them to play for the arch rival Yankees. In 1996, Boggs rode a horse in celebration around Yankees Stadium after winning the world series. Then he tried to wear a Tampa Rays hat on his Hall of Fame plaque after he played 5 games with them (the Hall of Fame decided he should wear a Boston hat)

Now Boggs is bitter that the Boston Red Sox haven't retired his number.

"He's a turncoat." Yelled Red Sox fan Billy Chowder. "He's a no good traitah! Toss em in the stinking Ocean!"

The attention craving Boggs ...

"I'm so sick a hearin about him!" Chowder interrupted. "Tell em to take his hair plugs and shut the heck up!"

The Red Sox, and Red Sox nation have spoken.

No truth to the rumor Boggs has offered the Yankees $500 to hang his jersey next to Babe Ruth's.

A toll-free phone number that the Yankees used during the 2008 and 2009 seasons for tickets is now a phone sex hotline.

“Welcome to America’s hottest talk line,” a recording says, according to the Post. “Guys, hot ladies are waiting to talk to you. Press 2 to connect free now.”

Could this be where ARod has been hiding out?

"I think it's great." Said one sleazy looking guy. "It beats watching them lose. They stink."

With the price of Yankees tickets to a Yankees game these days, looks like no matter which number you call, you get screwed.

Yuk yuk yuk

After a Florida woman claims to have found a Goldfish Cracker with religios imagary, a New York City resident is claiming to have something better - a popcorn kernal that bears a striking resemblance to Jesus.

"I like to pop popcorn." Said Shifty Lemmings, a 33 year old busboy. "I pop pocorn while watching Yankees games. I like it with extra butter. Anyway, i'm eating some popcorn last night,watching the Yankees win. Suddenly I look down and there it is. A miracle!"

Lemmings presented what he claims to be the religious kernal.

"I have seen the light! I call it Popcorn Jesus!"

We mentioned that it looked like a picture cut out of a magazine and covered with butter.

"No its real! I will be happy to take Popcorn Jesus on major news networks. If anyone wants to do a reality show based on me, that's cool too."

We're not sure what Shifty has is a miracle, but the Yankees did win last night so you never know.

Orlando Cooney has been sober 4 years to the date, but all that changed when a friend peer pressured him into drinking a "few" beers from his parents basement. Orlando quit drinking after he woke up one sunny morning in North Dakota.

What did he do you ask? For starters he is from NY and had no plans on going to North Dakota. Then again, who does for that matter? I always hear how there are tons of good paying jobs there. You want to know why? Because no one wants to work in North Dakota.

Anyway, the Yankees started playing well today and Orlando's drunk friend Beeksley Adams had an idea.

"I thought Orlando would like to try a beer. After all, he had been so good for 4 years. He should probably celebrate that achievement with a beer." said Beeksley who is unemployed and considers himself a full time beer tester.

We weren't sure if that was the best idea.

"Hops are good for you" said bad friend Beeksley Adams. "What is the worst that can happen. Just because he is an alcoholic doesn't mean he can't have a few beers. They say it is good to have a beer once in a while."

That logic doesn't hold true for recovering alcoholics though. Especially during a day game on a Monday.

"I guess I was slightly wrong." said Beeksley.

Yankees win big time as they look forward to game 2.

The Yankees Mariano farewell tour stopped in Detroit over the weekend and the Tigers gave Mariano a present.

What was it? Was it an iPad? Chocolate covered strawberries?

Nope, the Tigers got him dirt. That is right, they got him dirt. It was dirt from old Tiger Stadium and dirt from the new Stadium.

Gee, thanks Tigers. I can't wait to put dirt somewhere in the house. We talked to one guy who we think came up with the idea.

"Yeah, they told me to think of ideas. I just bent down and grabbed some dirt. It makes me look like a cheap skeet, but what can you do." added a guy who may be a dirt collector.

We think that it was a lousy gift. Seeing if Mariano wanted dirt so bad, he could just bend over and pick it up himself.

There are many more stadiums on the tour this year. Perhaps Mo can get some grass clippings or trash next. Who knows!

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1960 ended badly for the Yankees, with the shocking demise at the hands of the heavy underdog Pirates, the forced retirement of Casey Stengel, and an elevation to Manager that Ralph Houk really didn't expect, or want.

Roger Maris, who in August was vying for triple crown, got hurt, then came back to fall off to a decent workmanlike .283 and a league leading 112 RBI, but his HRs fell off (he wasn't hitting in front of Mantle but behind him in 1960) and he hit none after Sept. 16th, to finish with 39, one behind teammate Mantle for the HR crown.

Mickey, on the other hand, had belted six in that same period to capture his fourth homer title, with 40.

So they were poised to roll in the series, but fate had another outcome.

In 1961, Ralph Houk went to Whitey Ford and asked him if he could pitch every 4th day, and he said, "Damned right I could!" So that was all set.

Then Houk told Mickey that they pitched around Roger quite often, especially if Mickey was on base, so because Mick was a switch hitter, he wanted him to bat 4th instead of third, and he reminded Mickey that he was the team leader, and that it might prove better for the "team". Mickey agreed.

Then, Roger got off to a terrible start (1 Hr in April), whereas Mickey jumped into the league lead (7 April HRs) and carried the team through the early part of the season.